Have you ever assumed your loved ones share your views on climate change, technology, or social issues — only to realize they don’t? A new study from the Hebrew University of Jerusalem reveals that we often project our own values onto those closest to us, shaping how we perceive them. While this can strengthen relationships, it can also lead to misunderstandings. Understanding this bias can help us communicate more effectively and appreciate differences in our closest connections.

 

Seeing Ourselves in Others

A recent study conducted by PhD student Shir Ginosar Yaari under the guidance of Prof. Ariel Knafo-Noam from the Department of Psychology at the Hebrew University explores how people perceive the values and behaviors of those closest to them. Despite having direct interactions with romantic partners, parents, children, and friends, people often misjudge their loved ones’ values. This inaccuracy stems from a natural bias: we project our own values onto others, assuming they see the world as we do. Our personal values then influence how we perceive others.

 

A Universal Bias

The researchers analyzed data from six studies spanning four countries –Israel, Italy, Poland, and Finland– and involving over 2,200 participants, demonstrating that this bias is not limited to a single culture. Even when researchers accounted for the actual values and behaviors of loved ones, people still tended to believe their close relationships reflected their own perspectives.

 

Interestingly, the bias was stronger in high-quality relationships. The closer we feel to someone, the more likely we are to see them as sharing our values. This idealization can be positive, reinforcing emotional bonds, but it can also lead to misunderstandings and false expectations. For example, a parent may believe their child shares their moral priorities, while the child assumes the same about the parent — potentially reducing meaningful value-based learning, as this implies that children may be less likely to learn from their parents’ actual beliefs.

 

Why We Get It Wrong

Researchers propose two possible explanations for this bias. One theory suggests that we are motivated to see our loved ones positively because their values reflect on our own identity. Another possibility is that it’s simply easier to assess others based on our own beliefs rather than trying to understand their unique perspectives. More research is needed to explore these ideas further.

 

“This research highlights just how much our personal values shape not only how we see ourselves but also how we perceive the people we care about the most,” said Shir Ginosar Yaari. “Recognizing this bias can help us better understand the roots of our misunderstandings and improve our ability to connect with and appreciate the differences in our closest relationships.”

 

"This research highlights just how much our personal values shape not only how we see ourselves but also how we perceive the people we care about the most,” - Shir Ginosar Yaari

 

Breaking the Cycle

By understanding this bias, we can work towards clearer communication, deeper empathy, and stronger relationships—both personally and professionally. Recognizing that others may not share our values as closely as we assume can encourage more open discussions, better listening, and a greater appreciation for diverse perspectives.

 

The full research paper, “Wishful Perceiving: A Value-Based Bias for Perception of Close Others,” is now available in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology and can be accessed here.

 

Researchers

• Shir Ginosar Yaari, Dana Katsoty, and Ariel Knafo-Noam; Department of Psychology, The Hebrew University of Jerusalem
• Anat Bardi; Department of Psychology, Royal Holloway, University of London
• Daniela Barni; Department of Human and Social Sciences, University of Bergamo
• Ewa Skimina; Institute of Psychology, SWPS University
• Jan Cieciuch; Institute of Psychology, Cardinal Stefan Wyszyński University in Warsaw; University Research Priority Program Social Networks, University of Zurich
• Jan-Erik Lönnqvist, Swedish School of Social Science; and Markku J. Verkasalo, Department of Psychology; University of Helsinki

 

For a century, the Hebrew University of Jerusalem has been a beacon for visionary minds who challenge norms and shape the future. Founded by luminaries like Albert Einstein, who entrusted his intellectual legacy to the University, it is dedicated to advancing knowledge, fostering leadership, and promoting diversity. Home to over 23,000 students from 90 countries, the Hebrew University drives much of Israel’s civilian scientific research, with over 11,000 patents and groundbreaking contributions recognized by nine Nobel Prizes, two Turing Awards, and a Fields Medal. Ranked 81st globally by the Shanghai Ranking (2024), it celebrates a century of excellence in research, education, and innovation. To learn more about the University’s academic programs, research, and achievements, visit the official website at http://new.huji.ac.il/en.